As I've mentioned before, my husband is in Iraq for a year so the baby and I are flying solo while I stagger across the finish line of law school. Obviously, it's awful to have my husband gone and I worry about him, but I always try to look on the bright side of things. I have made a list of ten good things about being on my own.
1. I can eat macaroni & cheese at 10:30 in the morning.
2. I can give people the finger while I'm driving and my husband isn't there to tell me "you're going to get shot if you keep doing that." (Yes, I may get shot - but it's worth it because I'm going down for being RIGHT, damnit!)
3. I don't have to watch "Fox & Friends" in the morning.
4. Mrs. Fields is my best friend - and worst enemy. I can explore my love/hate relationship with her without witnesses.
5. I get to teach my son to call his demented paternal grandmother "Hoochie" instead of "Grandma." I will later pretend that I have no idea where he came up with the word "Hoochie," but isn't it clever?
6. I don't have to be nice to Mrs. Kravitz. My husband is a nice person. I am not. He usually acts to mitigate my foulness with his niceness . . . when he's not here, I can act like Oscar the Grouch. (Yes, I've watched too much Sesame Street.) I'm not really grouchy per se . . . it's more like subtle humor at others' expense and they aren't in on the joke. Like the old ladies in my zoo story.
7. I can hog the Wii. Yes, I'm that immature. When my son goes to bed, I get to decompress from law school and poopy diapers with some Mario Galaxy. Try it - you'll like it.
8. No stinky hubby feet. My baby's feet get pretty ripe in those footed pajamas (you other moms out there will know what I'm talking about), but my husband's feet are a special kind of aroma . . . By the way, I can't wait until he comes back so that we can release this smell and let it drift into Mrs. Kravitz' apartment since she's so obsessive about cooking smells. I'll just let her wonder if we're cooking dead bodies over here.
9. I get to pick out which Ugly Doll to buy the baby. (Admit it - they're awesome!)
10. The best part about my husband being gone is that he's coming back in a year. A year may be a long time to wait, but I'm happy because he will be coming home to us. And we miss him!
Friday, February 22, 2008
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13 comments:
Yum, Mac and Cheese is good anytime. I do use the time when my husband is away to indulge in my chocolate cravings. He is so judgy. Although I am the one guilty of watching Fox and Friends in the morning but in my defense, he started it.
It was so hard when my brother was in Iraq -- I don't know how you manage having your husband gone, and managing school and a baby alone. Pretty impressive -- you deserve your Mac and Cheese!
You'll never convince me that you're not a nice person.
God love you,girl! I don't know how you're doing it either. But more power to you. Don't ever lose the sense of humor. I'm guessing that writing the blog helps. It sure helps me to write things down.
I'm so jealous that you have a wii. I have been thinking about buying one but the kid pitches a fit every time I step into the electronic section of Toys R Us. He is only two, and just doesn't understand what he is doing...
I love being single and pregnant because there's no one around to smell my farts. Did I just say that?
Hoochie. Ha! Maybe I should starting teaching the Toddler to call my MIL Hypocrite. If the shoe fits . . .
HOOCHIE! So funny! I'm worried my kids will pick up on me calling mine "Narcissist in Law".
You are a stronger person than I am!
hoochie!!! i love it! hoochie grandma, even better. i admire your quick wit and postive attitude!
yum. mrs fields. evil bitch that she is. i love ugly dolls...my little boys got the huge ones for xmas. special mission ice bat and big toe.
So many challenges, so few vices; how do we cope? I do like the hootchie momma idea.
DG
lol, mac and cheese at 10:30 in the morning? That's great! :)
You're hilarious. Great perspective and I am rolling at the Hoochie Grandma. LOL! Hope he stays safe and comes home really soon. It's got to be so hard on him to know you guys are here alone. There was a heartbreaking article in the Post on mothers who had to give birth and then leave their babies behind to go to Iraq. I can't even imagine.
Yes my husbad fusses at me for getting vulgar while driving. But HE does it!
Oh and I taught my kid to call his grandma "Afro". Her hair explains it all. I have had some awesome laughs over it!
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