Here's the tale of woe. I was hiking in VA with my hubby. It was a lovely warm fall day and the ground was covered with orange, red and yellow leaves. My husband, suddenly the budding photographer, says "Hey! Why don't you lie down in the leaves and I'll take your picture! It'll be awesome!"
"Ooh! I bet it'll look great!"
Yes. It's true. I am an idiot.
So I lay down in the leaves like I was posing for some artistic 1960's acid-induced portrait. I even have the photo, though I can't show you because my head is in it - and I love fueling speculation that I have a big ole tranny head. Also, in the portrait, there is under-boob sweat coming out of my tank top which I realize no one wants to see. So from that uber sexy description, draw your own mental image. Tranny head + under-boob sweat = dead sexy. Anyway, I lay down. And then I felt a prick in my back. I thought it was a stick. I got up after the photo was taken, and CONTINUED HIKING. FOR HOURS!
Apparently, this was not a good idea. That night, my lips started to swell. I ran a mysterious fever. Then my husband found the FANG IN MY BACK as I was getting dressed for bed!!! It was like a curved tooth, but hollow and flexible. And gross. Despite mounting evidence that there was, indeed, a significant problem, I decided to say "screw it" and go to bed because the ER was way too much effort.
The next day, I went (carrying the fang with me) to the ER. The speculation was that it was a very small, young copperhead that hadn't managed a direct hit and thus hadn't been able to inject much venom. The speculation also included the observation "Well, I guess you'll survive since you're obviously alive 24 hours later, so good for you!"
Yeah, thanks for that. Good thing I have medical insurance so I didn't have to pay for this oh-so-helpful bit of medical advice.
And there you have it. The legend of the chomp chomp. Minus a picture of my tranny head and under boob sweat. Let your imagination run wild!
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In an unrelated thought, I've noticed I'm getting new readers every day. Hooray! I'm excited (and a little horrified) that you guys are interested in the deranged musings that come from my big ole tranny head. I hope you'll pass my blog along to others so that I can get even MORE readers. I'm a whore for comments!
18 comments:
Ok Comment Whore! LOL You are certifiably crazy, from reading your blog I thought you were a tad bit off, you know the law school thing and all :0~ but hanging out after realizing that you were bit by a snake----- Holy cripes woman! You are certifiable in my book. I guess that is why I keep coming back to read your blog I like people who are different. Now if only I could get some of that readership love too!
I have been up close and personal with some copperheads as well although I was lucky enough not to be bitten. Freaky. No artistic boob sweat pictures in piles of leaves for me.
OMG! Good to see that it didn't affect your brain or anything! And where did this "tranny head" reference come from? Did a commenter say that??????
HOLY SHIT! That is my biggest fear ever. Love the line from the doctor. You should have asked the doc did he gets his license in the mail or did he just make it himself.
I've done some pretty crazy things, but don't think I'd ever ignore a snake bite! I am so glad you lived to tell the tale. We'd miss you if you weren't here.
Oh man! That sucks! It's like when I recently went to the ER with a kidney stone and they told me I was fine, and would 'be fine' *snort* riiiiight
Well, apparently the snake found all that under-boob sweat sexy - he didn't kill you! Great story.
oh wow! That is crazy and crazy to didn't go to the ER...but knowing me that I probably something I wouldnt do either. I don't like to make a fuss about things. Like my husband had to practically drag me to the hostipal when my water broke cause I didn't believe him and didn't think it was my water breaking, plus didn't think it was THAT big of a deal. Aftera bout 6 hours he finally got me there :)
I think you should do a drawing of what your tranny head looks like. I would be interested to see that.
BTW, You'll get your lovin' when he comes back home, wumman (and pretty much every day between now and then). Also, Jayna gets EXTRA love because she was the first person that ever added me to a blogroll. That makes her a supa-star in my heart, you know.
If the world ever leaves me alone for ten freakin' minutes, I'll email you. Stupid world.
Oh scary freakin' snake. SCARY.
Let's pretend this is a separate comment because I wanted to appease your comment whore ways and not because I didn't initially see your comment at my place, mmkay?
Here and here.
Ouch!
Did you keep the tooth or fang or whatever was in your back? Just curious.
I hate anything sanke, spider, bug, etc. etc. I'm a big wimp like that! I won't even kill little house spiders....I make the hubby do it!
We own a two family house and I have tenants that live on the sec floor. They called us one day because they said a rather large snake was sitting at the bottom of their steps. My hubby made the HUGE mistake of calling and telling me this when I was on my way home from work that day. Hubby wasn't going to be home for another hour or so. I refused to go home. I drove around my town, got an ice coffee, did some drive bys until the hubby was home. I am the worlds biggest loser wimp ever!
YIKES!!! I will never take one of those 'in the leaves' pics again!
now thats a story worthy of Indiana Jones!
Thank goodness he didn't suggest a little hanky-panky roll in the leaves... who KNOWS what coulda happened then!
That is one hysterical story:) and you lived to tell all about it.
I'm also a sucker for comments...blogging is so fun!
Shut the fffffffront door! You did NOT have a fang in your back! Honey, you need to SELL this story. By golly, that was a darned good one. And, by the way, I'm sorry to be so entertained by your traumatic experience. Oooof.
and I pictured you to have a snake for a pet! he he he
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