"Dear Tranny Head" - Questions on

I know, I know, it's a little late. And believe it or not, I received some hate mail from people who DEMANDED answers. Well - I do have a good excuse. Sumo and I are entertaining an 11 year old cousin for the weekend and I'm hella busy and hella tired. What do you DO with 11 year olds anyway? They're too young to mope around like teenagers, and yet too old to enjoy petting zoos. *sigh*

Anyway, on to the substance! First off, your Tranny Head shall answer the following question from Flea (who, for the sake of this post, we shall call "Sleepless in the Flea Circus"):

Question, question, question ... I have trouble getting to sleep at night. My mind races a million mines a minute. Any help?

Dear Sleepless in the Flea Circus,

Get a Sumo. You'll be so exhausted by the end of the day that this will not be a problem.

Now if obtaining a Sumo is not possible, I suggest at least try making one (or practice making one). That is, green beans.

You see, Sleepless in the Flea Circus, green beans are the solution to many of life's challenges. The more green beans the merrier and sleepier you shall be.

So either nudge your hubby/man/woman/bar stool/can of green beans, and get cooking!

Hope this helps!

Much Love and Hawtness,

Tranny Head

****************

And now for the second question for this week, from WaltzInExile who, for the purposes of this post, we shall call "Goat Mama"

Dear Tranny Head,

What sort of questions do the voices in your head ask you, anyway?

Oh, wait, that's probably not what you meant by "submit your questions." Okay, here's another one:

Dear Tranny Head,

Is it just me, or is there something about Sumo that practically yells "In 17 years, I will be hanging upside down out the window of the FIJI house wearing nothing but socks and shouting to the entire campus that the kegger. IS. ON." ?

On another note, tell Karen that Sumo belongs to Goat #2 and Becky better stay away.

XOXO,
Goat Mama

Dear Goat Mama,

First off, the voices in my head generally ask me things like, "Where's the beef?"

But besides that, they also ask me things like "What am I going to do for Totally Incensed Tuesday when I run out of states?" And "If I made a shirt/magnet/bumper sticker with a can of green beans on it, would my readers actually sport it?" And "How many trannies read my blog and why is this not a feature of google analytics?"

So you see, Goat Mama, I think about you readers. And indeed, the voices in my head ask me questions about you. Hawt, right?

Now for the second question.

Sumo is going to be way too hawt to be in FIJI. He'll be in some fraternity that kids who look like Zac Efron will rush. Except they won't really look like Zac Efron because he's too girly. They'll be manly and hawt. But not in a "I haven't bathed in three weeks smell my man musk" kind of way. More of a "I ooze testosterone and hawtness simultaneously" kind of vibe.

As for the hanging upside down wearing nothing but socks? Um - yes. He will definitely be doing that. And he'll have a helluva good time.

I'll make sure to pack him some extra socks when he leaves for college.

Much Love and Hawtness,

Tranny Head

PS - Um - Karen - read your message above.

PPS - SEND ME MORE QUESTIONS, readers! Or else next week's post will suck an egg!