"Dear Tranny Head" - Questions on Siblings and

I think this week's edition of "Dear Tranny Head" is more of the taking readers' questions variety than dispensing with advice. But y'all asked, and I'm here to answer! So without further ado:

From E, who likes to be identified as the Confused Rhubarb Lover:

Dear Trannyhead,

How did it start getting called green beans? I even read old posts. I thought maybe when your hot husband was gone there was something to do with lonliness and maybe errr.umm.... the can.....
But the cans are HUGE and gross so that can't be right. Help please...

Confused Rhubarb Lover

Dear Confused Rhubarb Lover,

This is, indeed, a fitting question since on Monday I revealed the Great Thanksgiving Green Bean Giveaway. (More details about that to be posted on Monday.)

Let me start by saying that the hawt green beans term began with this post here and evolved from there. Chiefly through repeated usage on plurk. The more it was used the more it became a Tranny Head catch phrase.

You see, Rhubarb, as of November 2008, my husband, Mr. Tranny Head, has been gone for one year. That is, last November (2007 when Sumo was just four months old), Mr. Tranny Head left for training to go to Iraq. In January of 2008 he left for Iraq for his deployment, but he's been gone for green bean purposes since November.

While there are many women out there who can handle this extended period of celibacy, I am not one of those women. I am one hawt mess without some hawt action. I have a hard time making it for a few days much less for an entire year. You see, Rhubarb, after a few months of Mr. Tranny Head's absence, certain ... um ... items started looking pretty hawt. It started with every man, woman, and cucumber looking hawt. And then? Well - EVERYTHING looked hawt. Bar stools, parking meters, and dryers. (Don't try to tell me the spin cycle isn't hawt.)

And then one day I saw the hawtest item of all in my kitchen. It may look humble to you, oh gentle readers, but to me? Well - it's hawt.



(Image borrowed from here.)

Why green beans, you might ask? Rhubarb - you yourself mentioned that the green bean can is huge. And, indeed, size does matter (anybody who says it doesn't hasn't been with the right - er - can). In short, green beans is a superior canned food. As I mentioned in this post, it is far preferable to Rotel. And above all, when you're in a bind? Chances are that those green beans are accessible in your cupboard. You may not have the can of Rotel in there, but I bet you've got at least one can of green beans.

You see, Rhubarb, green beans has evolved as a term from its original usage as a substitute for The Deed. Most people now use it to mean Doing the Deed. And yet the term "green beans" remains open to some interpretation (though, of course, it is clearly a romp-in-hay type term). Indeed - I, Tranny Head, should ask - what does green beans mean for you?

I hope this clarifies the green beans for you, Rhubarb. And, indeed, for my other confused readers who have submitted similar questions.

Much Love and Hawtness,

Tranny Head

PS - Rhubarbs suck.

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And now a question from Googie Baba. We shall call her, for the purposes of this post, "Tranny Head Green Bean Result-Oriented."

Dear TrannyHead,

When are you going to give Sumo Baby a little baby brother or sister?

Tranny Head Green Bean Result-Oriented

Dear Result-Oriented,

Based on the sheer volume of green beans I plan on consuming once Mr. Tranny Head returns from Iraq? I'm going to guess that will be sooner rather than later. As in a lot sooner. (I hope I can avoid ripping off Mr. Tranny Head's clothing until I at least get him out of the airport, but I can't guarantee that will be possible.) So - *ahem* - we shall see.

Hope this helps!

Much Love and Hawtness,

Tranny Head



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Next week, we have Karen, who asks:

Dear Tranny Head, where do you come up with the names that you grace your questioners with? Good lands.

and we have Poltzie, who asks:

Dear Tranny Head:
1) Why didn't you dress Sumo up in drag this year?
2) Are green beans truly the answer to all of life's problems, and if so, where can I buy them in bulk?

and lastly Hyphenmama, who asks:

Dear Tranny Head,
Is it a parenting no-no to drink heavily between noon and dinner time?

I'm asking for a *cough* friend of mine.

Sincerely,
Entirely Too Sober For This Job

Keep those questions coming, biotches!