GRATEFUL FOR GREEN BEANS!

Why Happy Thanksgiving to you, readers!

It is finally time for the Great Green Bean Giveaway and I am prepared to offer a green bean story of my own to really get in the holiday spirit. Because really - who wants to read another post about how people are thankful for friends and family!?

My dear readers! I am so thankful for green beans this Thanksgiving. My hubby, Mr. Tranny Head, is coming home from Iraq in a few short weeks. And I? Will partake in much green beaning.

In my long career as a green bean consumer, I have enjoyed many green beans. There have been green beans flavored with curry (served with naan), soul food style green beans, and green beans with matzoh. There were green beans spiced with Mexican jalapeno peppers. There has been LOTS of American Southern-style green beans. There has been flaming hot green beans. There has been slow and simmering green beans. There have been green beans consumed rapidly in the back seat of cars in parking garages, behind grocery stores, and in houses under construction. There have been green beans consumed on the beach and in offices.

But what better green bean experience to discuss here than the recipe where it all began? The FIRST green beans.

(Prepare to laugh.)

Me? A hawt and bothered little teen. Him? A skinny musical type (NOT band camp) who went on to become a professional musician (hawt, right?). We'll call him The Music Man.

Scene: His parents' house. The parents were out of town. The Music Man's Friend was in the living room, asleep(?) on the sofa. We were in his parents' room. There was lots of making out and dry humping.

Music Man: My Dad has condoms, you know.

Me: Really? No way!

Music Man: I know where they are. See?

Me: Just put one on. Just to try it on.

Music Man: Ok. (fumbling awkwardly with condoms)

Me: What does it feel like?

Music Man: It's all right. Sort of weird, though. Like a raincoat.

Me: Let's just do it.

Music Man: Are you SURE?

Me: What the hell. You're already dressed. Let's just get 'er done.

**************

End Scene.

Twenty five seconds later, I realized that green beans are fun. And that fun is good. The Music Man then immortalized the moment by carving the date into the wall in his room.

I wonder if it's still there.

If it is, I'd suggest adding a carving underneath of a can of green beans.

The winner of the Great Green Bean Giveaway will be announced tomorrow after Sumo draws a name from a hat. Leave me a comment to let me know you did it so that I can check it out (and so that everybody can read your hawtness)!



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And now I will conclude with a hawt contribution from an Anonymous blogger:

I love being married, and I have loved all of the green beans I've had with my husband. But sometimes, when I'm feeling old, or ugly, or just too darn soccer-mom respectable, I like to remember the green beans I used to have with someone else (let's call him Sam.) So today, the most gratitude-filled day of the year, I present the following "Ode to Green Beans" in gratitude to Sam and in memory of my 18-year-old self. (Apologies to Theodore Geisel.)

You do not like me,
In that way.
Try me! Try me!
And you may.
Try me and you may, I say.

Sam!
If you will let me be,
I will try this.
You will see.

Say!
I like green beans with Sam!
I do! I like them, Sam-I-am!
So we would have them on a boat.
(Yes, even with the boat afloat.)
And we did have them in the rain.
And in the dark. And on a plane.
(I do not jest,
it's not a lie.
We used to have them when we'd fly.)
And in a car. Against a tree.
They were so good, so good, you see!

We caught some poison ivy once,
But that was in the summer months.
The billiard table, we would learn,
Did cause some parts to feel felt-burn.

So we did have them next to rocks.
And once we had them in just socks.
A few times even in a house.
And I think twice we tore a blouse.
We would have them here and there.
You couldn't take us anywhere.

I did so like
green beans with Sam!
Thank you,
Thank you,
Sam-I-am!



~ANONYMOUS