From "Reheating the Green Beans," we have the following:
Dear Tranny: How can you get a hubby to become interested in green beans? And, making them more spicy for you as opposed to solely for him?
Dear Reheating the Green Beans,
You poor, hawt thang. Really, you have two questions, so I'll break them up.
1. As for getting hubby interested in green beans? Well, I shall offer suggestions straight from the tranny head play book. These suggestions include:
Lingere. Not subtle, but effective.
Carpae Diem, baby. He's watching TV on the sofa? You may want to try ... um ... playing his green bean like a flute. Also not subtle, but highly effective for generating interest. (PS - I'd suggest waiting for any children to go to bed before attempting.)
Porn. 'Nuff said.
Call him at work to discuss the many different green bean casseroles that you are hoping to bake when he gets home.
Don't limit yourself to night-time green beans. If he's tired at night, try for wake-up green beans. (Hawter than a cup of coffee, baby!)
And now on to the second part of your question, Reheat:
2. How do you spice up those beans for yourself?
I am going to reveal a very important page from the tranny head play book for you. Brace yourself.
Some men just don't focus on the entire casserole. They focus on THEIR green bean and not on the green beans in general, in other words. A man might be satisfied with a quick microwave-type green bean experience whereas the woman may be interested in a slow-roasted meal. It's not hostile on his part. It's just oblivion.
How do you change this? Well - men really DO generally want to please. Really. What you have to do is simple. Show him EXACTLY what he's supposed to do.
I vouch for the "show him" method over the "tell him" method. Why? It's a really awkward conversation. The dude may get offended and think he's doing something wrong. It will go all kinds of bad. I suggest waiting until you are enjoying some green beans, and then ... um ... shoving his face in them. Or whatever. *ahem*
Sure, it's not terribly romantic. But after you show the dude for a while, he'll get the idea and do what he's supposed to do. Then you won't have to force it anymore. You'll be enjoying some hawt HAWT hawt green beans before you know it.
Hope this helps!
Much Love and Hawtness,
Tranny Head
******************
Our second question is from Karen, who for the purpose of this question we'll call "Graceland" who asks:
Dear Tranny Head, where do you come up with the names that you grace your questioners with? Good lands.
Dear Graceland,
I grace you readers with names that leap forth from my laptop screen as I read your questions. You see, readers, you name yourselves. It's not my fault, really. If you don't like your nickname, you can only blame yourself.
Much Love and Hawtness,
Tranny Head
****************
Next week we have a question from an Anonymous reader, who asks:
Dear Tranny Head,
First, if green beans represent "doing it" then what represents the big "O?" You are a genius Tranny Head, you gotta come up with something amazing! Now for my real question. What should a person do if she has been letting her significant other believe she's been receiving the big O when in fact she hasn't. The touchy part is this has been going on for two years and she very well can't fess up to her "miscommunication" now after so long. But she's starting to feel guilty about it and now she can't stop (or else he will catch on) and DANG IT she wants the real thing!!!
Sincerely
O sO distOrted
***********
Keep those questions coming! (And how did I become a green bean therapist?) Hawt!
13 comments:
My favorite way to help him enhance my green beans is to highlight, underline, or ear mark particular pages or paragraphs out of books and leave the book on his pillow. I'm not good at telling myself, I'm better at saying, "this sounds goooood. now read." Oh, and watching instructional videos together.
PhD in Yogurtry: Sistah! Amen! Although I generally just ask, but I'm really liking the idea of the highlighter!
Tranny Head: The "green bean" word for the Big O? How about "reaching the top of the bean stalk"?
You are absolutely correct. I know it took a few lessons for me to start to get it right. And those lessons didn't start until we had been married more than 20 years. I never knew she wasn't getting what she wanted and she never knew that all she really needed to do was 'guide' me.
All of that said - green beans are So well cooked around our house now. A lot of diving in and flute playing - all the time. Much better than it used to be.
Oh my. Yes, the hawt green bean casseroles that have been flying around here... sigh. Well, it is, after all the holiday season!
If a person was doing a cop, would that be green beans with bacon thrown in? ;-)
When all else fails, a bottle of wine (or 3) will lower those inhibitions about TELLING/SHOWING him exactly what's needed.
I've heard.
I cannOt wait to see the term you give the big O.
Honey lamb. I love the answer to my question, but you misspelled your Latin - and you went to a nearly Ivy school - just sayin.
I respectfully disagree with Trannyhead on the showing versus telling. I think you tell, but in a super-positive way. Just like with kids, you tell them what you like. And then you say something like, "Mmmm, you know what would feel REALLY good? If you did [insert yummy thing here]." If all else fails, show them with porn (and SAY, "Wow, that looks hot" when you see something you like). Babeland has a series called Chemistry by Tristan Taormino that is pretty female-friendly. They also have a guide to picking movies.
I meant to say above, "just like with kids, you praise them. "Oh, I like it when you do that. And you know what might also feel good? [Insert idea here.]" Then it's just making things better, not putting them down.
Hmm. Show versus tell. We like tell, because it only enhances the experience. If it's told properly. And telling a story with you as the main character? Too good for fiction. :)
I'm still stuck on what LceeL said . . . 20 years???
Really?
Yikes . . . maybe I'm just a wee bit assertive.
Very eager for the naming of the Big O. I'm thinking a fruit? Some sort of sweet?
I said something the other day to the hubby about green beans. Do you know that he looked at me like I was a nut job? I need to spread the word.
Hey Tranny Head,
Thanks for answering my question the last week. I've snice gotten a membership to Costco and now that Chicken is sleeping through the night our vegetable intake has increased greatly!!
And here I thought there was a tranny renaming website or something. Who knew we named ourselves?
Why would someone fake for all those years? Baffling.
Post a Comment